Saturday, July 14, 2012


Unity, togetherness, family, is one of the biggest things I try to resist when it comes to Christianity. I get so caught up in making sure I'm not part of a cult. I don't want to be a mindless follower. I don't want to do stuff just because the rest of the church does it.

I don't want religion to creep into my life so I resist any form of uniformity and routine.

But that's not what God intended for his church. He wants them, us, to be in agreement, together. Everything we so the same should be because we're all doing it for the same cause, to please the same God.

I don't like trends, cliques and exclusive clubs. Yet, that's what I'm creating for myself by not opening up to accepting those around me.

Open up Laura. Don't be such a hater.

Monday, June 25, 2012


The loooooong leave I took from this blog represents the involvement God has been in my life.

It seemed like his voice was faint and his presence was distant. We became acquaintances that met every Sunday and awkwardly stood next to each other because we had to...

I put less and less effort in our relationship and we drifted more and more apart. I felt so lonely. I felt all alone when no one else was around.

There's a song by Jon Foreman called Your Love Is Strong which I seemed to come across by chance tonight (well, maybe not according to Him). This was an old favourite but I've never heard the lyrics like I did tonight.

"Your love is, your love is, stro-o-o-o-ong. Your love is strong."

And I realised, his love is not only strong as in, a high concentration in my life. Not just strong as in, a lot. But strong as in, strong enough to change me. Strong enough to overcome my negligence. Strong enough to forgive my betrayal. Strong enough to reach out to me during my darkest of moments. Strong enough to change my day. His love is strong.

Thursday, April 19, 2012


One thing that's been in and out of my head constantly is how much guilt I feel about the wrong things I do. Not just the wrong things, but the things that I feel I should be doing and am not. I see other Christians do such great things in Jesus' name and I can't help but feel guilty for not being part of it - not fulfilling my potential, not living out my destiny or being who God called me to be.

I feel so guilty for doing, well.... nothing for him really. I see all the other Christians at school doing amazing proactive things while I sit at home.

And I just feel so bad for not wanting to do anything. I don't feel the passion to pray for our school, or to spark up outreaches or attend prayer meetings. The fire has kinda fizzled out and I'm not doing much for the expansion of God's kingdom.

And I just feel so darnned guilty about it.

Ahh, but that's then He comes and shows me truth and gives me hope (wow bring on the cheese-fest).

I have this one friend who kinda inspires me to be a better person. It's the influence - it's very subtle and I've only noticed it now. I just find myself wanting to change for the better. And gosh I hope it not subconsiously to impress them. lol
But God was like, that's what He wants to do for me. You see, your Christian life is a result of the relationship with God. Your behaviour, ministry, words, all come out of hanging out with Him all the time. You just can't help but reflect Him - you know, being His light in this dark world.

Because who you hang out with slowly rubs off to you and you start to mirror them. Not in an obvious "oh-my-gosh-I-shall-copy-everything-you-say-and-do-from-now-on" kind of a way. But ever so slightly you pick up on what they say and do and adopt it as your own. God wants to be that kind of influence. That by hanging out with Him more and just being conscious of Him him everywhere all the time, He starts to rub off on you. I mean, His spirit's already in us, but it's his personality we take time to adopt.

So I shouldn't feel bad for not being the perfect Christian - I should be more concerned about the fact that I've been snobbing Him for ages. Christianity starts with Him. If He's not your prime focus - then you're doing it wrong. I shouldn't worry about my actions because who we are on the outside is the fruit. And no fruit grows unless you do the behind-the-scene work. Like conversing with Him, reading His word, just allowing yourself, myself, to be influenced by Him.

Who you hang out with has an impact on how you act. So hang out with Him.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

You Gotta Want Him

There have been A LOT of times where doing "the Christain thing" just felt like such a burden. Reading my bible - boring. Praying - kill me now. Writing on this blog - do I have to? Clap my hands in church - not in the mood. 

It's just so..... boring. All this religious stuff that we're supposed to want to do willingly is just so hard to want to do! (is it just me?! lol)

One reason behind it (to me anyway) is that I've totally missed the whole point of why Christians so these seemingly mundane activities.

I'll use boy-girl crushes as an analogy cos I feel you'll be able to relate to it easiest.

When you like a boy/girl or are in the first few days/weeks of your relationship, you want to spend lots and lots of time with/around them. You wanna talk to them, stalk their fb walls, hang out and talk about them to other people (but maybe not being really obvious about how much you're into them.... but I'm going off on a tangent here). Anyway, anything related to that person is just so amazing. Going to the same youth group or being in the same class or them saying hi to you one day. EVERYTHING is thrilling and you'll take what you can get. 

Well, it's like that with God (albeit, not EXACTLY the same for obvious reasons. lol). If you like him, you'll WANT to access as much information about them as you can or have direct (praying, or bible reading) or corporal (church singing, services, youth groups) access. You just find yourself wanting to do these things because you're so enthralled by Him. It's only when your prime focus is on God himself that these seemingly mundane become stuff you wanna do yourself. 

It's when you lose of God, the reason for it all, and start looking at the activity on its own out of context that it's starts feeling like meaningless religious acts. Which are totes are no-no. God doesn't want a bunch of religious, rule following, non-thinking mass. He wants you to get to know Him as a person and to be in your life everyday. 

He doesn't want anything from you, He simply wants you. As you are. Me. As I am.

So now reading my bible (online because I lost my physical copy - don't stone me!) is not a hassle. Praying is not this hard, long, process I have to endure. 


God bless yo! :)

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


I don't like reading about the Bible. 

I think it's because it seems like such a personal book that writing an analysation on it just makes it seem like an English class. Which works for ALOT of people who like sharing stuff about their bible reading but it just really rubs me the wrong way.

It's not inspiring to me.

But that's cos I'm a lot cynical when it comes to Christian's sincerity about their words. Because it's so easy to just say the "Christiany" things to say. It all sounds a bit wishy-washy after a while and it just loses it's meaning..... to me.

But I think a root cause is that I can say "Christiany" things without sincerity. I know the "holy" sounding phrases pastors use. I know what it's like to sound like a "good Christian". I've done it before. Is that why I question everyone else's sincerity? 

So I've kinda swung on the opposite side and try not to sound so hyped up because it just doesn't feel right. I try stay clear of cliches as much as possible. Always thinking about what I say when it comes to God because I don't want anything to flow out automatically by subconscious memorising from what I hear from preachers and leaders and stuff....

Time to mull it over, ask God.....

Saturday, February 25, 2012


Hunger Games spoiler alert (ish)

Okay, so it's not exactly the Bible but I've been reading the Hunger Games book recently and one of the most prominent parts of it is that the people living in that time (in the future) have very little to survive one. Every grain of rice, drop of water, every little berry... is precious. Beef and chicken are luxuries! We can get those on special from the supermarket! The main girl hunts and gathers every day to support her mother and little sister. Showers are cold but seldom. There was no luxury - the most precious thing you had was your family - and the Hunger Games could take them or you away....

Today was a beautiful sunny warm Sunday. I was a bit bored so I grabbed my copy of Catching Fire, my wallet and phone and walked to the dairy to buy an ice-block, and then walked to a nearby park and read. As I sat there reading, I realised how much freedom I have. I had free time, time for leisure, time to play, to sit around. Time. The characters in the books had no such thing. If you weren't productive with the time you had - you suffered, you starved.

How cool is it I could buy ice-block and a can of Mountain Dew for $3.80 and not worry that I didn't finish the drink. That's alright, it wasn't like this was my only ever source of liquids. There's water from the tap and ice in the freezer that ensured that I'd have a cold drink when I needed/wanted one. After reading the Hunger Games, I just started thinking about how EASY my life is. I mean, I have my problems and stress and blah blah blah. But the actual physically surviving part - that's algud.

I found myself thanking God under my tree in the park for the luxury of relaxation. I other people during these times don't have it as easy as I do and the Hunger Games gave me an idea how blessed I am. So are you - cos if you have internet access to read this blog - you're pretty darnned blessed!!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Introduce The Blog

Hello reader :)

I'm not very good at making God related real life conversations. I think one of the reasons is I hate sounding preachy. Also, I get nervous when I talk to people about God because I feel like they want answers or wise words. I get nervous a lot when I talk about anything really. Then I get over excited and talk too fast and then people are just distracted from my awkwardness to actually hear what I'm saying. Anyway, the point is, I have things to say and I say them best through blog.

To encourage my fellow Christian peeps. We all go through sucky stuff and I don't know about you, but I have this ridiculous notion that Christians are supposed to be put-together. I know it in my head that no one's perfect but I still try make everyone think I nearly am. That I'm friendly and polite and smiling all the time. It's not true (duh!) but why is it I still try to send that message out? So this blog is gonna show some exposure, some deep and maybe ugly stuff. And how God sees that ugly evil stuff and still loves me anyway. Forgives me anyway. Wants to hang out with me anyway. It's just the kinda guy he is. Hopefully by showing my imperfection and HIS perfection, you'd see that it's not us that complete the equation - it's Him. (lol does that sentence even make sense... hopefully)...

To make you feel okay about talking about the sin and difficulties in your life. Hopefully there's a post that relates to you and you'll see we're not that different. We all go through crap and we all need people to know our crap to be there for us. Whether it be advice or just a listening ear and a hug. I don't really talk to people about what I go through. It's just so awkward and I cry REALLY easily so touchy conversations are what I avoid. But this is an indirect way of letting people know what's going on....

The three paragraphs were initially bullet points but they weren't short and sweet like bullet points are supposed to be so now they're just three paragraphs. (Wow interesting fact!!)

Okay, if you're the praying type, please pray for this blog - that it's used to say what God wants to say and not be like "Laura's Awesome Blog Of Her Being Awesome!!". It's about Him. Pray it stays that way.

God bless you (YOU who's reading this!!!) and stay beautiful.